Where Were You?
by sister2death
Summary: After the war Quatre is left alone, his heart grows cold, and his servents fear him. How will Heero, Duo and Trowa help him? can they help him? or is Quatre right, its' too late?
1. Where Were You...

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of the characters though if I had the money I'd probably try to buy a cute blonde pilot-oops off subject! Don't sue me please.

This fic I wrote when I was bored, yeah I'm bored a lot -_-0 please read and tell me what you think, I'll have most of the chapters up by the end of the day. Please don't get offended, this fic is just one of my experiments, you know? Well read and review

~*~

I'm alone, never in my life had I felt so much loneliness, I had father before, I had the other Gundam pilots, I had Sandrock. They are gone now... along with the long war, they've disappeared into nothing, as if they were never here in the first place. Before I joined the war I had no friends, and finally it seemed that with becoming a Gundam pilot came 4 friends and more but the war ended and they were gone.

What will become of me? I've managed to stay so kind during the war, but now that the war's over, it seems to be fading to. I've begun daily fits, causing many of my maids to throw up their hands in surrender, I was pushing them all away. And Rashid and the Maganics, I thought they'd stay with me a bit longer then a couple of weeks after the war, but they had to rebuild their city to make it beautiful again. That could be excused, but after a whole 9 months and no word, not a word from a single soul who I once thought was a friend, that has managed to shred my heart.

It's constant work from here on, but only very few like Relina can actually go on like that, and even so she hears from Heero every so often to keep her going.

Now I look here at this computer screen, eyes cold, tears no longer shed, I'm 18, I'm surprised nobody remembered my birthday, I didn't bother to tell them, didn't bother to even get out of bed that day, I just lay wishing my heart would stop. I know what I've become, and I know how I'll be in a ew more months.

I'm no longer schooling. I didn't quit but I did get some tutors to speed up the process. One with so many responsibilities can't be expected to go to school, it's too much of a burden. Collage will have to wait, my sisters insist that they'll take over my responsibilities just so I can get my collaging done with. But I know them, they only say that, and will use it to back stab me in the future. So I'll just wait, it's not like I'll be anything special like a doctor like they have the opportunity to be, no I have to sit behind desks for the rest of my life, go to meetings to discuss matters that hardly need to be discussed.

As for my time off, I do nothing, I gave up on attempting to communicate with the other pilots or anybody, I'd rather sit in my room and torture myself or sleep.

I guess sometimes things happen for no reason, like becoming a Gundam pilot, yes I helped save the Earth, too many times, it could have happened with out me though.

~*~

I lay on my bed, needle in hand, stabbing at my fingers to see my blood and feel pain that didn't have to only be felt inside. My clothes were off and thrown on the floor, after a while of pricking lamely at my fingers I decided to plunge the needle further, I 'd push though until I hit just beneath my nail, then pull out and watch how much blood came out.

It may seem like a demented and insane thing to do, but when there's nothing else to do you kind of find other ways to amuse yourself. By now I had no faith in any Gods, my life was nothing, but my amusement ended as a servant knocked at my bed room door.

"Sir, you have some visitors here."

I stabbed the needle again into my thumb one last time this time trying to go further, but the door opened a little and the servant peeked in.

"Master Quatre, you have visitors here to see you."

I looked at him with and angry glare, "I heard you. What do they want?" I asked.

"Quatre, let us in man!" Duos familiar voice answered from the door.

This made me angry and I sliced open my thumb as I took the needle out, "Send them away." I said snobbishly, I didn't need them interrupting my life.

"What!?!" Several voices rang from the door.

My thumb began to bleed non-stop onto my silk sheets, and I lapped at the self inflicted wound, "You heard me, send them away and make sure they never come back."

"Sir, they wish to have you accompany them on a holiday-"

"Send them away!" I screamed.

"Quatre just let us talk to you a bit, you may reconsider." Heero's voice came.

I quickly roase from my be and in my informal wear consisting of nothing, marched to the door, "I don't care! I need no more curses!" I screamed slamming my door.

"Quatre, please," Trowa's and duo's voice echoed behind the door.

"I swear if you don't leave I'll call security," I screamed.

"Sir, these are your old friends have you taken your medication this evening?" the servant asked.

"How dare you question my authority, you're fired."

"Sir I quit!"

"Quatre this isn't you-" Heero began to say.

"You don't know me anymore..."I growled and put on a robe, then opened my door and peered into their faces, they looked upset, "Go now or I'll have the police escort you out of here."

Heero looked down at my mutilated thumb, "Quatre..."

"Quatre just let us talk to you..." Duo whined.

"You really think I'm the same don't you?" I began to laugh, but then I looked at them sternly," You underestimate me." I turned back into my room.

"Quatre, you're lonely, your servants called us, to come and save you..." Trowa's voice explained.

"I don't need you, I need anything but you..." I said starting to dial security, but just before I began to call my door opened and Heero grabbed my from behind and covered my mouth with a rag of some sort.

"We didn't want to do this like this, you give us no choice..."Heero said sadly.

I was trapped, my arms behind my back and legs immovable, I fought not to inhale but finally my lungs gave out and I breathed in, my mind seemed smothered and I fell into an unconsciousness.

To Be Continued…


	2. Confusion...

Chapter 2

When I awoke I was in a panic, my arms and legs were tied to the four corners of an unfamiliar bed, and I lay exposed.

            "I'm going to kill someone!" I screamed fighting to break my bindings.

            Duo peeked in; "Quatre, you're awake!" he smiled.

            I started to grind my teeth with frustration, and I looked away from him angrily.

            "We're sorry Quatre, but you know Heero and his missions, 'mission accepted!'" Duo imitated the monotone voice of Heero, "You're that mission!"

            I began another series of struggles this time with so much force that the ropes cut through my skin and instead of crying out I stopped and glared at Duo.

            "I'll go get Heero," he said leaving the room worried.

            I struggled again this time trying to rip the flesh even more so I'd hit a vain or a main artery, I couldn't live with this sort of embarrassment and I bit my lip, causing blood to flow from it too.

            Heero entered the room, "What do you think you're doing?"

            I didn't answer; I only fought more before he came any closer, still trying to find away to die.

            Heero began to cut my bindings, and I reacted to this by punching him, "What's happened to you Quatre?" he asked holding his jaw.

            As I stood up I toppled over, we were on a ship, I began to vomit from my immediately sea sickness, I was on all fours and heaving, "How DARE you!?!" I screamed, and vomited more.

            "You brought it all on yourself Quatre-"

            "It's not my fault...you all created me like this," I managed to whisper between gasps and chokes.

            "You stay here, you most likely want your clothes-'

            "I want out of here!" I screamed, shaking and unable to move.

            "Quatre, we're your friends..." Trowa said coming in with a towel.

            "I don't have friends," I replied and puked again.

            Trowa handed me a towel and was about to lay his hand on my back when I growled at him," Don't touch me!" I cried, my lips began to quiver, and just before a few tears began to develop a sudden convulsion hit my body and I began another series of vomits.

            Heero came back in with some clothes and a plate of medication, and a small glass of water, "This will calm your stomach," he said laying everything on the bed, "There's no way of escaping from here, we have no communication devices and the closest island is 5000 miles away, we'll be here for as long as it takes to cure you."

            "I'll drowned myself then.." I muttered.

            "No you wont," Trowa said shocked.

            "Wanna bet?" I glared at him.

            Heero pulled Trowa's arm, indicating that thy should leave the room, "Come out when you're dressed, well be outside waiting."

            "I will not come out, you will pull me out dead," I answered.

            They both looked at each other worried, then left the room.

            I was alone; finally, I could collect my thoughts. Covering the vomit with the towel I crawled over to the bed and took the medication then went on to put on my clothes, a black pair of pants and a crimson red t-shirt, those were my colors of choice now, my wardrobe consisted of only those colors, darkness was what I dwelled in, and I was hand in hand with pain. 

            I stared down at my hand now, the one I had taken so much time to stab with needles what bandaged, I sat on the bed lulled by the movement of the ship, and instead of leaving the room I lay down on my stomach and drifted off to sleep.

~*~

            It was dark, when I was startled and awaken.

            "Is he still alive?" I heard Trowa whisper.

            I slowly opened my eyes and stared up angrily at my capturers, then realized Heero's hand lay on my shoulder, I quickly rose to my feet, "Don't touch me!" I yelled.

            Heero stood up confused.

            Then a sudden wave crashed into the ship and I was thrown on the floor.

             Trowa reached to help me up and I looked at him angrily.

            "I don't need anyone's help," I said forcing myself up, only briefly because the ship shook again and threw me into a dresser the crashed snapped one of my bones in my arm and I bit my lip to keep from crying out.

            "Are you ok?" Heero asked.

            I looked at him and nodded.

            "What about your arm? I thought I heard a crack." Trowa asked concerned

            "No that was just the dresser or something," I lied, the pain actually felt good as I lifted my arm up and flexed it, the bone grinded and cracked again, this made me smile.

            Heero looked at me worried, then took my arm, and before I could cry out in protest he set the bone straight and I screamed in agony, then fell to the floor in pain," I hate you!" I screamed at him and cradled my arm.

            "I'll get some bandages and tend to it.." Heero said leaving the room.

            "I don't need bandages, I need to get out of here!" I kicked and screamed on the floor.

            Trowa just watched, a look of disbelief on his face, "Quatre, we don't want to hurt you, we want to help you."

            "I needed your help a long time back, where were you then?" I asked, fighting the tears that started to flow.

            Trowa couldn't answer.

            "I don't need your help, and even if I did I wouldn't ask for your help, or any of the people I once knew."

            "What happened Quatre?" He asked.

            I didn't answer I only banged my broke arm against the ground, making sure I felt the pain.

            Trowa watched in utter disbelief.

            When Heero entered the room he ran to my side and stopped me, he picked me off of the floor and tossed me onto the bed, my arm was now black and blue, and where it was broken it was now bleeding, the bone started to penetrate the skin.

            "Why do you keep hurting yourself!?!" Heero screamed at me and slapped me, then moved down to my broken arm, and snapped it again into place.

            I screamed and struggled, but Trowa held me down.

            Heero grabbed a needle and tread and began to sew the cut together that the bone had made, I began screaming as I watch, the pain ran through me, my chest burned and blood spurted across both mine and Heero's face.

            "Let me go..." I mumbled and began to sob.

            "We can't until you're better," Heero replied.

            For a moment I looked into his eyes, and realized he was no longer the same Heero that I had known before, he was showing emotions and as he sewed up my wound he also cried, tears came from his eyes and they seemed as natural as any other human beings tears, but the pain built up in my body and my heard spun, causing me to pass out.


	3. The Truth...

Chapter 3

I awoke a day later to Duo singing in my room, his voice sounded way off pitch and I laughed to myself as I watched him, he looked different now, his hair was longer and he no longer wore the priest suit, he was dressed in a pair of baggy shorts and a black tank top, he scrubbed the windows until they were clean, still not aware that I was watching him.

            I looked over at the dresser beside me and a plate of medication sat there along with a glass of water and a bowl of fruit, I sat up and Duo seen this.      

            "Quatre, you're awake!" he shouted excitedly and dropped everything he was doing to jump on my bed, just as he was about to embrace me, I panicked.

            "Don't touch me!" I screamed.

            His eyes widened as he jumped back off the bed," Sorry, I forgot that you aren't the same anymore," he looked upset and I felt sorry for him, but I ignored the feelings and him all together and took the medicine.

            I was hungry, I hadn't ate since I was kidnapped by the three so called "friends" and I began to devour the fruit in the bowl.

            "i caught some fish yesterday," he said sitting back down on the bed," It took me forever but I caught some really big fish, Heero said you needed fruit, not fish right now, I cooked it all really good, and I even saved you some, maybe you'll be able to eat it soon." 

            I looked at him puzzled, he didn't seem to change much in personality, so cheerful, but I couldn't think of him as a friend any longer, he and the others left me, so instead of paying any attention to him I fiddled with the bandages on my broken arm.

            "I really missed you Quatre, you may not know that but all of us really missed you,"

            I looked at him angrily now," Don't lie to me, I am nothing to you and the others" I said grimly.

            "That isn't true," he examined me," I almost wouldn't think you are Quatre, you got taller, your hair is almost the same though, but I can't see you inside you, I can't see the Quatre who I fought along side in battle with, I don't see the friend I had all that time ago."

            "And you will never again," I replied.

            duo looked down," I'm sorry I never visited you, I'm sorry that I never phoned you, and I'm sorry I never wrote you, I was always waiting for you to call me and I was afraid that if I called you you'd call at the same time and we'd  get nothin' but busy sounds, I'm no good at writing either so that wasn't gonna work out either, I was just so busy with work and no doubt you were too." Duo explained.

            I only turned over trying to ignore him again.

            Duo was silent now, but I felt him shudder with pain.

            "I don't need anyone now, I don't know why you have me here, it's torture, I'm a business man, I have work and I have things to do, I don't need any interference with what I do,"

            "Are you happy Quatre, are you happy that you are so lonely?"

            I squeezed my arm, the pain drilled into me, "I may be lonely and not happy but i'll never be hurt again like every one of my friends have hurt me."

            "I didn't mean to hurt you-"    

            "I don't want to hear it, the damage is already done, I've been ripped apart and nobody was there to help me," I looked deep into his eyes," You can't save me now, it's like a child who drowns and nobody notices, when they discover that the child is dead they can't bring it back to life, it's too late, and you are too late, I'm dead."

            "But Quatre, you are breathing still-"

            "That maybe so on the outside but I'm already begun to decay on the inside."

            Duo was crying now, he stood up and shook his head and in a bolt he left the room.

            I laid back down, I didn't feel guilty, it's their fault I'm like this, I closed my eyes and began to sleep again.

~*~

            "You know you are a cruel person, Quatre Raberba Winner," The voice of Heero echoed through my mind as I slept, "Wake up, you aren't going to sleep forever, I wont allow it!"

            I opened my eyes and met his gaze.

            "The way you hurt Duo's feelings was uncalled for. We told you that we don't want to hurt you, and you go and hurt us."

            "You hurt me enough," I said in a whisper," Everyone left me alone, and when I was hurt I was still alone, I'm not a happy person Heero Yuy, I don't know why you expect me to be so cheerful."

            "Tell me what happened Quatre, we can work it out."

            "It's too late the damage is done, I'm dead."

            Heero jumped on top of me and grabbed me by my shirt collar, I instantly began to scream," Tell me what happened dammit!"

            "It's nothing for you to know!" I cried.

            Heero's face was within inches of my own," Tell me so I know," he whispered.

            "I refuse to repeat such an act of disgrace," I began to cry.

            "Who hurt you?"

            I stared at him, tears flowing.

            "Who did this to you Quatre?"

            "You all did it to me! You left me alone to get hurt!" I screamed.

            "Tell me the person who hurt you when you were alone!" Heero was now screaming.

            I looked into his eyes and then looked away," I don't know who did it..." I whispered.

            "Then it is true, the rumors that you were raped?"

            I began to scream, and fight.

            "Tell me what happened."

            "NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed as I fought the flash backs," I don't want to remember."

i sobbed.

            "Quatre, I'm so sorry we let this happen to you," he said embracing me.

            I panicked, and screamed, "Stop touching me!!!" I screamed, my body only fought for as long as it took for me to go into shock, my mind went blank and a series of convulsions followed.

~*~

            When I awoke Heero was asleep by me, I felt sick and my skin was pail," I hate you all," I whispered but as I started to leave the bed Heero's arm reacted out and grabbed my own.

            "We don't hate you Quatre," he said sadly.

            "I hate everybody," I growled at him.

            "When did it happen?" He asked.

            I covered my ears, to not hear him.

            "Quatre tell me..."

            "I-I will not tell you anything."

            "We aren't' the eni-"

            "YES YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

            "Quatre!! Stop this!!! You can't be unhappy forever, you have to live"

            "The dead shouldn't live..." I muttered.

            "When did it happen, I'll keep asking until you tell me and the longer you wait to tell me the more you'll have to remember."

            I uncovered my ears," You all left me alone..."

            "I know, and I'm sorry, please just tell me,"

            "At the beginning of February, just after the Marimia incident, after we all split up and the Maganics were gone, when everything was back to normal."

            "But Quatre, that was almost a year and a half ago."

            I nodded, "that's how long you've left me alone to be tortured," I cried.

            Heero reached out to touch my arm but before he could set a finger on me I moved away.

            "Don't touch me," whispered still crying," I'm 18 Heero, and I feel like a little baby, I remember the incident like it was yesterday. I can't bare to have anyone touch me, I can't bare to have a single being around me, I just want to be allowed to die alone where nobody will see me I feel safe alone now, I feel like at any moment anybody around me will hurt me, and I don't want to feel worse then I do now, I don't want to be hurt like that again..."

            Heero said nothing.

            "It's not easy to feel like this and be a business man, I see people everyday and everyday I feel like my life is threatened. It shouldn't have happened, I'm a Gundam Pilot dammit, I'm supposed to be strong enough to fight people like that, but when you are defenseless and the person has a gun in your mouth you can't do anything but let them have their way, back when it happened i wanted to live more then anything, but I think if it were to happen again, I would have let the man blow a hole in my head. Sometimes I even convince myself that that's what happened, I let the man blow my head off instead, but I don't understand why I'm still breathing so I hurt myself hoping that it wont hurt and I wont bleed, but I always do and I realized that I'm alive, I wanna be dead, I wanna stop feeling the nightmares, I wanna stop feeling the pain, but the pain feels so good Heero, it's sweet compared to the pain I feel inside, the pain from being raped," I shuddered," That's why I keep doing it, I get to feel it physically and any physical pain is better then the mental pain that I feel."

            "Quatre... I had no idea," Heero stood up and left the room.

            I laid back down and began to sleep again


	4. It's So hard...

Chapter 4

This time I awoke to Trowa setting a dinner tray by the bed, I stirred and looked up him.

            "Duo fixed you a good meal, he caught the fish just for you he said, and the tea as also his idea, it's peppermint." Trowa explained.

            I only nodded and picked up the tray, the meal looked great and I smiled.

            Trowa sat on the bed careful not to spill the tea, "Heero told me what happened to you, he didn't do it to hurt you at all, he did it because he knew I could relate to you."

            I looked up at him.

            "I was also raped, but when I was younger, I never told anyone but him that, it's a real shame that you have to feel the pain that I felt, I as alone also, nobody even around to talk to, but unlike you I had no real feelings to express, I just walked around as if nothing happened, but I was really in pain the whole time and I still am, 'how could they do this to me?' I always asked myself, that's why I am the way I am today, it's unfair, but Quatre, you're loosing yourself, I see reason in blaming us, it's good that you aren't blaming yourself all the time. Go ahead Quatre blame us, we left you all alone, hate us if you like, but some how grow strong, you can, I know it. We're here to talk with you and help you, your servant's and maids are concerned about your condition, that's why they called us, they know that you are destroying yourself, they see you bleeding they see your self inflicted wounds they see your temper tantrums, they se it all and they know that they can't help you, but they found faith in use where they found none in themselves, you know just as well as we do that as Gandam pilots we have to answer the pleas of the people, and at all costs we can't fail them. Quatre, you were my first friend, and Duo's and Heero's too, you had faith in us when no one else did. You may see it as a weakness but I think it 's a strength. When you got hurt you forgot to be your own friend, you needed yourself, but instead you pushed yourself away too, you have to save yourself too, because no matter what we do and how close we come, we can't save you without the help of yourself."

            I was impressed by the long speech that usually silent pilot gave," I-I-Trowa, I don't know what to say..."

            "Don't say a thing Quatre, you just move at your own pace, we're here until you are better."

            My heart ached, how could they? They left me alone. They left me to get hurt and now they wanted to help me, but everything Trowa said was right, and I respected that.

            He left the room without another word.

            The meal Duo had made me was excellent, I had no idea the silly pilot was so talented, and when I finished I got out of bed and shakingly made my way out of the room.

            I was immediately met by the warm air and darkening sky, Duo sat fishing at the edge of the ship, I silently made my way to his side, and sat down, his mouth was ajar as he looked at me, and I smiled, then pointed at his line as it began to pull.

            Duo stood up and began to reel in the line and what emerged from the water was a monster of a fish, "Oh man! This is the biggest fish I've ever seen," Duo screamed as the fish fell onto the deck, he unhooked it and gazed don at it, a huge smile spread across his face, and he began to laugh then he looked at me and smiled," Thanks Quatre, I didn't think I was gonna catch anything tonight," He looked like he was about to embrace me but then his eyes fell to the floor and his expression turned to grief.

            I looked at him and smiled then with all the strength and will of my body I ran into his arms embracing him tightly, "You forgot our victory hug, Duo," I whispered and he wrapped his arms around me, I fought the urge to pull away, and I remained still, "That was the best dinner I ever had Duo, thanks."

            "I missed you Quatre..." Duo said tightening the embrace.

            I pulled away suddenly and sat down, my head began to spin.

            "I-I'm sorry Quatre, I didn't...he bent down beside me afraid to touch me.

            "Duo, it's alright, we're best friends, I'm sorry I've been so mean to you, I had-"

            "You had every right Quatre," Duo said standing up and wrapping the fish in a newspaper," We abandoned you without a second thought, we only made up excuses, but in truth nobody deserves to be all alone-"

            I began to cry," I feel so alone Duo, why can't I feel normal?"

            "You are alone Quatre... we maybe here but you abandoned yourself too, you gotta come back also," Trowa said as he came up from behind me.

            "I don't know how to find myself Trowa."

            Then We'll help you every way we can," Heero replied as he waved down from the crows nest.

            I stood up and walked back to my room," I'm tired I'll see you all tomorrow,' I said before disappearing behind my door.

~*~

            My dreams were filled with nothing but nightmares and flashbacks of the events that happened so long ago.

            I am walking... darkness... footsteps behind me... I run... I trip... I fall...

            I hated it, I felt my soul leave my body and as if my body became a cage my soul couldn't come back to me.

            i lay breathless... a puddle of blood forming beneath me... the footsteps leave me...

            Am I dead? I'm not breathing.

            I caugh... I vomit...my body throbs... I crawl to a shade and hide...

            How did I live? I am alone.

            I awake an hour later... it is still dark... II manage to get up... I have no clothes...

            Nobody to even see what happened, nobody to see my humiliation as I walked back to the mansion bare.   

            3:00am... the mansion is dark... I sneak in... I crawl to my room...

            Nobody to great me in concern, nobody to help me, nobody to save me.

            I shower... I lay in my bed... I fall asleep...


	5. In and out...

Chapter 5

"Good morning buddy boy!" duos voice awoke me from the nightmares, and I sat up in a cold sweat.

            Duo hopped on the bed and lay down, "You don't look so well, have a bad night?" he asked but I ignored him and rolled over on my side away from him, "Heero's making breakfast today, sushi, yuck, personally I think I'd rather have fish cooked and how 'bout you?"

            I shivered, "Duo go away," I said briefly and bent over the side of the bed to vomit.

            "Woah, I'll go get you some medicine, I'd think you'd be used to being on the boat by now," he said leaving the room.

            But I know that it wasn't just the ship, when I feel insecure this always happens, I often woke up in the mornings and ran to the toilet to relieve my stomach, it was the nightmares... how can somebody have a strong stomach after dreaming of such a horrible event? I hate it! I hate it more then anything, and I hated living and...

            I began crying and fiddling with my fingers, I didn't know what to do, with my left arm in a cast and not sharp weapons in sight I didn't know how to release this pain, my heart felt like it was going to explode within me, the others... they may have finally earned my trust back but how could I earn my own, as Trowa said I needed to find myself, but where was I? I cried more and vomited again, if this was the only was to relieve the pain then so be it, I will throw up all my insides! I continued the convulsive motions until I noticed that the liquid coming up was no longer clear, it was a dark crimson red, and my stomach turned,.

             "Am I really vomiting up my insides?" I thought, my eyes grew wide, and my stomach began to quake with yet another series of vomiting, I cried out and practically threw myself from my bed, what was happening? I ran out of the room covering my mouth as the blood seeped from the cracks between my fingers, why am I afraid? Isn't this what I wanted? Tears streamed and I grabbed on to the first person I came to, which was Heero, he lay down on a towel tanning him self in the sun.

            He looked at me with his sun glasses on and then paused and lifted them up for a better view on things, "Quatre..." his expression turned into fear as he forced my hand from my mouth, I heaved and a stream of blood came from my mouth," Calm down now," he said in a panic.

            Duo stumbled in on the situation Oh my God!" he screamed and rushed to my side.

            I couldn't speak, my vision became blurred and I passed out immediately.

~*~

            "Do you think that we should take him to the hospital?" a voice echoed in my mind causing me to open my eyes and squint from a bright light shining in my face.

            "He's waking up..."

            "You sure this time, or do you think he'll pass out again?"

            "No telling, I don't think he needs a doctor, it's stress, I know it, or at least I don't think he did anything to hurt himself."

            "W-what if he dies, Heero?"

            "Shut up Trowa, he's too strong to go so early."

            "Well you know-"

            "Duo, silence is golden!"

            "Whatever, all that glitters isn't gold stupid..."

            "I think I may take this time from caring just to ring your neck."

            "Watch out Duo that sounds like a threat."

            "Wow you both can gang up on me, that makes you pretty big doesn't it?"

            "Hey I think you might be right... look..."

            "He's staring up at us, he hasn't kept his eyes opened this long in a while. Quatre?"

            I felt someone shake me softly, the voices were so distant I couldn't make them out, I saw no faces and I tried to squint to see, but all the energy I put into stuggling to hear and see drained me.

            "No, he's passing out! Quatre stay up!"

            I struggled to fight free from the tiredness I felt, but my eyes kept rolling back, I couldn't see, I wanted to see, "Help me..." I whispered with the last bit of my energy and passed out.

~*~

            "Here he comes again..."

            "That's what you said the last fifty times Heero, you ass."

            "You look at him then, I'm just trying to encourage myself, I know thatone of these times he'll stay up."

            "I know but I think one week is so long..."

            "Dammit, Maxwell, he's going back again!"

~*~

            "Here-"

            Heero, shut up! Tell us when he's all the way up."

            "You're discouraging him!"

            "Whatever! Quatre wake up! Heero is waiting here, he want's to see you and, and, and-"

            "Make you his loftily wedded wife!"

            "Ouch!"

            "Shit, that was my nose!"

            "Get out of here before I castrate you."

            "Heero wants to see our balls Trowa!"

            "I think I'll go hide now."

            "I'll join you."

            "Ha! You are the real homos!"

            "WHAT!?!"

            "Go on to your little hiding place together, I wont tell a soul-ow!!"

            "I hate you Heero!"

            I think Quatre's passing out again-"

            "Noooooo..."


	6. (Conclusion) Searching...

All good things must come to an end… sorry everyone here's the conclusion. Please tell me what you think. I kind of didn't want to speed up the ending, but I'm writing a very complicated fic right now. This is an old one of mine, actually, that I never finished until now, thanks for the reviews, that really inspired me to finish this, thanks everyone and now I shall present to you the conclusion to my story ^_^

Chap. 6!

"Wow Heero, his eyes have been opened for over 5 minutes and nobodies said a word."

"Shut up."

"I think he's getting lonely just laying there staring at us. Just look at those puppy dog eyes, they look so sad, and look at that bottom lip just sticking out, he looks so sad-are you crying Heero?"

"Shut up, you hurt my feelings."

"Well look at him, he's so sad... Heero give him a hug, he needs one-"

"Bu-bu-but he doesn't like me anymore!"

"Wow the emotional Heero Yuy, I don't know which of you needs a hug worse, poor little Quatre or you."

"Quatre please wake up..."

I felt someone embrace me, and I sighed, "Heero..." I squinted, I could hardly make out his hair but I was sure it as him, I blinked.

"Quatre, don't go back to sleep, we're here to help you, don't go back to sleep, please..."

"Heero, you've said that the last billion times he's mumbled something."

"Duo...." I tried desperately to make out him but it was no use.

"Buddy boy! Are you finally waking up?"

I felt a sudden bounce beside me and I squinted," I can't see you..." I fought to stay up.

"Don't worry Quatre I have you some food here, and you don't have to see, just keep talking."

"Heero..." I moved my hands about trying to find his face.

"You don't have to move, just talk, it's been two weeks Quatre, you missed two whole weeks Quatre, you can't sleep anymore, just don't tire yourself."

"I-Heero, Duo..."

"Yeah that's me kid, I'm here with ya, and you just keep mumblin' crap."

"Shut up Duo!"

"Such anger... damn that rap music!"

I laughed.

"That is the oldest piece of crap I've ever heard."

"Shhh...." I quieted them.

"Sorry, you've probably heard a lot of that haven't you?" Heero asked.

I nodded.

"Here's some tea, it's cooled down some so it wont burn you" i felt the rim of a cup come up to my mouth and the liquid inside touch my lip and I instantly sipped from the glass.

"Peppermint..."

"It's actually all Duo brought, he had us convinced for a while that it was good for us and that was the only reason he kept serving it, he lied."

I laughed again and took another sip.

"I happen to like it."

"I bet that's a lie too."

"How did you know!?!"

"Because I know you."

"I like it though... it's very refreshing." I said taking a drink.

"Me too but still..."

"Repetitive food and drinks can get really old."

"Shut up... he like's it that's all that matters right?"

I smiled and sipped," I feel so tired-"

"No!" all their voices shouted in unity.

"Just kidding," I laughed, then noticed something missing, "My cast..."

"Yeah it's been that long, it's healed really good now."

"Duo and I are going to go fishing."

"Okay, see ya."

There was silence in the room, but as soon as it came it ended.

"Quatre please talk to me. Tell me what happened."

"Heero..." I whined," I-I just can't."

"You need to get it off of your chest, please trust me, trust us your comrades."

"Heero... it's too awful," I felt tears begin to rise.

"Tell me how it happened, please."

I gave up, if I was going to talk about it was going to be with Heero, "I-I-it was just after new years day, you know. I was off partying, well coming back from partying and I was alone. I was just walking. It was so dark I didn't see a thing, and well before I knew it I was being chased. I tried to run but I tripped and fell," I stopped to let out a short sob, "He caught me Heero. He caught me and he-he raped me. Nobody even saw. he raped me in the middle of an empty alley, nobody even heard me." I stopped.

I felt Heero's tears, "Nobody..." he repeated softly, "I'm so sorry."

I turned over and shut my eyes, my body felt as if it were on fire, I felt scared. 

Heero put his hand on my shoulder.

"Please don't touch me anymore, Heero, I can't bare it," I said as my body trembled.

Heero automatically lifted his hand and left the room without another word 

~*~

When I awoke the next day, my sight had returned, everything was quiet, it was hardly morning even the stars still rested in the light lavender sky.

I sat up and stretched, my hair was a mess, but I grabbed my pants and left the room yawning. Snores could be heard from the others rooms, not a soul was awake. I padded across the deck to the left side and sat down staring over the edge.

I watched as a school of fish swam by and some larger fish following, but my eyes began to concentrate on another image, my reflection.

I was pale, my eyes sunken in and my once bright blue eyes were gray, my hair no longer had its golden glow but hung limply almost white with hardly a hint of blond. What had I become? Has it been that long? I was such a small boy when it happened, why me? The questions filled my head, "Where did you go?" I asked my reflection, a tear fell from my eye, "You left me all alone."

I brought my knees to my chest and lightly cried, then to my surprise a ray of light peeked from behind the ocean line, I looked up and met the rising of the sun. I squinted to keep watching. 

It was so beautiful, my whole life I had watched beautiful sun sets and sun rises, all signaling a new beginning or an end, the sky seemed to dance in the bright oranges and pinks, purples and dark blues, and the sun was a beautiful gold. Then something seemed to whisper in my ear, I looked down, two bright bleu eyes met my own, golden locks shined and blew in the wind, even the reflections face was full of life. It was me, after all the time I was alone and scared here I was just gazing at my own self. 

"I'm sorry..." I whispered and laid down. The soft rocking of the boat and the warmth of the morning sun sang to me and I closed my eyelids and rested. I wanted more then anything to live right then, to repeat that moment forever, but with the sun there came a beginning and I chose to embrace this new future of mine.

~*~

Yo, Buddy!" Duo's voice entered my mind unwelcome and I groaned.

"Leave me alone..." I whined.

Duo sniffed sadly.

Then I looked up at him and gave him the biggest smile I could fit across my face.

Duo smiled back, "You look so much better."

"I feel much better," I said.

There was silence.

Duo waved his hand trying to cool down.

I laughed, "So, I don't really have to go home now do I? I can spend a few more weeks out here on vacation?"

"I guess so," Duo smiled, "But I hope you have a strong stomach for peppermint tea and fish!"

We both burst out laughing.

~*~

The break did me some good, I returned refreshed and ready to take on anyone, I now had a regular councilor I visited, and Duo, Heero, Trowa and I kept in touch, we all learned a lesson about neglecting our friends, and we promised never to make the mistake again. I still felt the pain of being raped, of course, but instead of coping with it alone I had friends to bring me through it all. Thank you.

END

Was that rushed? Oops sorries ^_^0 I hoped you liked it, I tried my hardest to make it great, read some more of my fics if you liked this one and remember, respond! ha ha ^.^


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